I think I can proudly say I have put some parts of my life into perspective. Situations and experiences that happen throughout one’s life can allow that to happen, EXPOSURE. November was truly my month of exposure. You know when you think everything is going pretty well and then all of a sudden it is not. You are under attack. I basically felt like that for majority of that month, and so I lost my footing. I was exposed to so much disappointment and stress I could not handle it emotionally and I was starting to show signs physically that I couldn’t handle it. Me, the one who always has it together, could not handle a single thing in the month of November. I threw in the towel; I couldn’t fake it any longer. I threw in the towel all the way up until the end of the month. I realized that despite all that was occurring around me I could not draw myself away from my faith knowing God was working on something. Having faith is such a beautiful thing. Even right now I firmly believe He is working on something.
One night I lay in my room and just spoke to Him casually. I asked Him for a change of perspective. “Allow for me to see what you see in me, to see my capabilities, to understand my journey”. In that moment I felt lighter. I was not completely stress free or in tune with all the issues around me. However, I knew that despite all the issues I was having financially, academically, and with my relationships He would take care of it. I began to just do my part, and no more than my part.
I realized that before I was trying to do everything myself, I wasn’t giving God room to take care of me and as a result I wasn’t being taken care of…so so dumb. Thanksgiving break I literally took it as a break and focused on my perspective, my next steps. No more tears, no more denials, and definitely no more conflict. I had a clear vision, and after a quite holiday, 6 seasons of Gilmore Girls (btw my latest love), and some eye-opening revelations, I was ready. I am ready.
I know that many times we are exposed to situations and circumstances and we do not understand what it is we are meant to be seeing, what is the end goal? The vision? I believe that in those circumstances we pray for perspective, for clarity, guidance. Whether you are exposed to a wildfire of chaos or the calm of a sea understand the viewpoint and the next steps to take on your journey.