The devil has a way of reminding you of every bad thing you have done or everything somebody has done to you that can just put you in a bitter mood. This past week I have not been feeling too well not only physically but mainly emotionally. I didn’t really understand what was going on but I knew life was going on and there were some issues that weren’t sitting right with my spirit. There were people and situations that I was remembering and it was causing me to shut down. I was honestly closing my heart out to people because I was just overwhelmed with the idea of feeling devalued in many of my relationships or just being overlooked in different situations. I was closing my heart and I honestly did not give a flying crap. I just went into “they aren’t worth it mode.”
I was content. I was sad. I was laughing. I was tired. I was weighed down. The wrong things lifted me up. I was tossed too and fro. In one week I went from the best year to just a week of wave after wave after wave…. over what exactly?
So I am person that can typically be read easily, my friends and family know that. However, you can’t get much out of me unless you are in front of me. I recently got my hair done by a friend of mine and she sat in front of me and basically dragged my life straight and told me:
“ Mide, you need to check your heart.” I love her for that.
I’m stubborn so I was like no, I am fine, it’s not me it’s them. Blah blah blah. I am tired of this and that and everything under the sun. I gave my whole speech and explanations and she listened and was like:
“Ok I get it, but check your heart because it sounds like you have anger issues buried.”
It did not occur to me that I was still harboring on past issues and people, but after reflection I was like whoa, I’m not yet there. I may say I am there, but if I am to be honest with myself, I am not. There are things in life that are a part of a healing process and I have discovered that my heart is still healing in many areas. However I need to continue to check it. I need to be able to accept I have not yet healed or grown from the situation and then go from there.
Don’t suppress the emotions of the heart. I realized I was getting physically sick because I was emotionally sick, like c’mon! I had to check my heart and check it quickly. Life happens, people hurt you, situations hurt you, but in the end it’s your heart that is within you. How do you plan to move forward and check YOUR heart, keep it in tack, pure. Do not worry about other people and how they react or don’t react. It’s not about them sometimes.
As I type, my heart is not perfect, but I am healing, it’s not a magical “poof be healed”, it’s slow, intentional, and purposeful.
Many people have hearts so broken that they find it hard to allow others to try and fix it (another story for another time maybe?) As children of God there are some things that should not be in our heart.
What is it you need to check?